Blessed Mama Here

Blessed, Tired and Trying

Kersten Cook

“We’re going to spend Christmas at the girls’ dad’s.”

That’s the sentence that usually makes people stop and look at me like I’ve lost my mind. Sometimes they ask, “You mean you’re just dropping the girls off?” or “Oh, your husband must live far away.” And every time I explain, “No. I mean my husband, myself, and the girls are all going to spend Christmas at their dad’s house. Together. With his wife and their kids. All at the same time.”

I get the looks. I get the opinions. I get the unspoken judgment. I understand it because it’s different. It’s not typical. It’s not how most people do things.

But what wouldn’t be okay is not being there for my girls. Letting old hurt, pride, or awkwardness matter more than them.

My ex and I aren’t best friends and we probably never will be and honestly, that’s normal. What matters is that we can all show up for the girls without letting divorce, blended families, distance, or logistics ruin their Christmas.

In the past, we traveled back and forth and took turns. But families grow, jobs change, distance gets harder, and sometimes it just isn’t realistic anymore. This is the year the girls were supposed to be at their dad’s for Christmas. The harder part is that we share a daughter who was born on December 23rd.

When I told her she’d be at her dad’s this year, I watched the light in her eyes dull as she put the pieces together. She looked at me and said, “Mom… you and Payton will miss my birthday too.”

That moment broke me.

What people don’t know is that her stepmom had already offered ,without hesitation, for us to come and stay for a couple of days. And yes, believe it or not, she and I actually get along great. That offer wasn’t about appearances or being “the bigger person.” It was about love. It was about a little girl not having to feel like she was choosing between parents on her birthday.

This isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It isn’t. There have been hard moments, arguments, hurt feelings, and growing pains along the way. And I fully understand that for some families this wouldn’t be safe or healthy and that’s okay. I’m also not saying that if you wouldn’t do this, you’re wrong or failing as a parent. That’s not what this is.

This is simply what works for us.

Is it always easy having four parents involved? No. Are there disagreements? Of course. But at the end of the day, we all want what’s best for the girls. And that matters more than anyone’s comfort, ego, or past.

It can be hard to watch your children love another parental figure. I won’t lie becau sometimes there’s a sting. I’m human. But I’m also grateful. My girls have a stepmom who loves them, shows up for them, and wants what’s best for them. That’s not something I take lightly.

So if our plans make people uncomfortable or spark opinions, that’s okay. We’re not doing this to make sense to everyone else. We’re doing it because our children come first.…always.

They have more people who love them. And that will never be a bad thing.

You can read Kersten’s blog on Substack

https://substack.com/@blessedmamahere